It’s not just cricket!

I got a classic this morning. As some of you may know (what am I talking about? Nobody reads this blog… it’s like screaming your despair into the empty night) there’s a test cricket series on at the moment, between England and South Africa. A while back, I got an email from the UK agency for a large firm asking me if I’d like to be their guest for the first day of the Oval test.

Yes, indeed, I said. I love going to the cricket and my mind drifted off to a great day I spent as the guest of 3UK during the triumphant 2005 Ashes series (also at the Oval test). No fancy stuff, just seats in the crowd, watching Flintoff smash Warne all over the park. Our hosts that day were exemplary; friendly and funny, they brought sun cream with them and kept up a steady supply of watered down lager. It was right out of the top drawer. Before the day all they did was send me a ticket. Afterwards, they thanked me for coming and I thanked them for their hospitality.

But it looks like this year things are going to be a little bit different, and not just in terms of the England team’s performance. I just got a call that went like this:

PR: “Hi, this is XXXX from XXXX PR, calling on behalf of TeleCorp*. I know you’re coming to the cricket with TeleCorp and I was just wondering if you’d like a catch up with their head of internet before the cricket?”

ME: “What, actually on the morning of the cricket?”

PR: “No, beforehand. He’s actually free on Friday and I thought that, well, you’re coming to the cricket and you might like a briefing, you know, before the cricket. Just so you know what’s going on… ahead of the cricket, perhaps.”

Jeez, come on. That’s bodyline PR, that is. Technically legal, but painful, aggressive, not a little desperate and certainly not in the spirit of things. You’ve invited me to be your guest, to spend time with your executives for a WHOLE DAY. You didn’t invite me to be your guest on the understanding that I’d have to have a totally pointless briefing beforehand as some kind of pre-emptive punishment for my guilt in accepting your offer.

You don’t ask somebody out for dinner and then phone them the week before telling them to bring some johnnies because, you know, they are coming out for dinner with you and you thought maybe it would be a good idea to get some johnnies ahead of them coming out for dinner with you. Because they did accept your invitation, after all.

“Fair’s fair, love. I bought you dinner. Time for you to do your bit. Just a quick one off the wrist if you don’t want to go the whole hog. Shouldn’t take long, I’m usually pretty quick off the blocks. Then we can get coffee and petit fours.”

No, that wouldn’t work at all. And that phone call this morning, that didn’t work either.

It was miles wide.

* Not the firm’s actual name.