The conference call

We know why PRs love conference calls. But then, we know why farts smell and it doesn’t make them any more appealing.

Conference calls, particularly across time zones, are patchy and prone to irritating delays. When they involve multiple speakers with similar accents it becomes practically impossible for the journalist to follow the thread of the conversation, never mind concentrate on what is actually being said.

Often PRs will insist on using a central table microphone/speaker unit thingy which ends up making the interviewee sound like he’s a train station announcer speaking into a toy walkie-talkie with his head in a bucket. Where do PR agencies get these devices? Argos?

We’re tech journalists writing for obscure B2B magazines, your clients might well be fairly senior within their organisation, but practically nobody outside their organisation has heard of them – that’s why they’re speaking to us. So let’s not pretend that they’re the missing team member in the Warren Buffet, Bill Gates and Barack Obama bridge club.

We know you want to remain part of the relationship, not so that you can follow things up for your client or the journo, nor protect your client from unnecessarily probing questions. You want to remain part of the relationship to make it look to your client like you’re earning your bread. But if you brief your client properly and give us their number and a time to call ultimately it works waaaaaay better for everyone.

If your client is reluctant with that arrangement give them our number and a time to call. If your client still wants you to hold their hand, I suggest getting your client some much needed media training (I’ll do it for a very reasonable fee...) and informing them that a conference call is the conversational equivalent of a fart at a funeral.