Give it the finger

Sometimes I feel a twang of pity for the poor PR who has the unenviable job of promoting the unpromotable. It passes quickly though, because I know they must have pitched for and won that business with the promise of targeted, innovative, marketing.

Sometimes though, when a product or service that is patently terrible comes along, maybe the PR would have been better off not pitching for that business, because the associative reputational hit that the PR takes will be a lot more damaging than the financial reward.

I know there’s an economic downturn at the moment, I know we all have to put food on the table, but really, sometimes PRs would benefit from being a bit more picky when it comes to client selection.

Take, for example, this recent pitch – the Etre Touchy glove.

Picture the scene:

Peter Jones and Duncan Bannatyne, looking smug and self-satisfied in equal measure, are sitting down in a gloomy loft space. Next to them Theo Paphitis grins manically at a small pile of bank notes to his right, Deborah Meaden sucks on a lemon in order to induce her Look Of Scorn™, while James Caan strokes his beard looking every inch the archetypal Bond villain.

A budding entrepreneur bounds up the spiral staircase.

“Good afternoon Dragons,” he says, “are you constantly frustrated that normal pairs of gloves keep your hands warm and dry, yet they aren’t compatible with modern touch-screen devices, which only respond to skin-on-screen contact?”

The Dragons look on, their early interest already morphing into bewilderment. “Do you find yourself cursing the good Lord above because their bulkiness and general lack of sensitivity also leads to “fat-fingering” misery when using the tiny keypads of other mobile devices?” our entrepreneur soldiers on.

“I’m out,” barks Bannatyne. “Me too,” shouts Paphitis.

Undaunted, the entrepreneur takes out his ‘invention’ and proceeds to place it on his hand. It’s a woolly glove, with the tip of the index finger and thumb missing. “Dragons, I give you the Etre Touchy gloves. They’re a stylish, fun and practical way to keep your hands warm and dry while using mobile phones, portable games systems, music players and other electronic devices,” he says, making no attempt whatsoever to hide the fact that he’s reading directly from a press release.

“Tell me,” starts Meadon, “do you own the patent?”

“…erm,” sputters the entrepreneur.

“I know a thing or two about technology,” says Jones interrupting the entrepreneur, “and I have to say, I’ve never seen anything quite like the Etre Touchy. I’m out.”

“Me too,” shouts Meadon.

Caan, smiling, asks: “Did you ever work as a market trader?”

“Well, like all great ideas, Etre Touchy gloves began life as a sketch on the back of a napkin over a cup of coffee…” starts the entrepreneur, visibly questioning the veracity of that last statement, he frowns and says: “They’re only £14.99. Come on, they’d make an hilariously ironic Christmas gift for that irritating gadget freak uncle of yours who owns an iPhone.”

“OK,” says Caan, “you’ve got yourself a deal.