Dear sir or madman

I received a missive this morning. It was addressed to ‘Dear telecommunications specialist’. I couldn’t work out whether it was obsequiousness, sarcasm or idleness. I guess it is better than Dear Sir since it appeals to my vanity and Dear Escapist, since I’m the Finisher. Both of which alternative email faux pas happen on an all too regular basis

Although, at least Dear Escapist demonstrates that the PR took the time to type in the name (albeit the wrong one) whereas Dear Sir, as with Dear telecommunications specialist, simply demonstrates that the PR can’t be arsed with mail merge.

There is a big part of me that hopes it was sarcasm. Although, I’ve met the bloke who sent the email and he’s a nice chap, old school PR, so sadly I’m guessing it falls into the lazily obsequious camp.

Can you imagine a camp worth avoiding more?

“…s’cuse me sire, I ‘ave ‘ere an ‘umble press release for your delectation. I’m not worthy I know, but if you could see yourself into passing your mighty gaze upon it, I would be most, most grateful. Or at least, I would if only I could be arsed.”

I have a relatively common name. There are, however, a couple of different ways of spelling it. So it kind of bugs me a bit when a PR had used the right email address, then written Dear Phinisha at the top.

It bugs me all the more when the PR follows up the misspelling with some over-familiarity. My mates know how to spell my name, if you can’t spell my name don’t bother asking how my tricks are. I know you don’t care.

If I don’t know you, I don’t care what you did at the weekend and I know that you don’t care what I did at the weekend. You have something that you want me to write about and I mistrust you instinctively. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

And, since I’m scoffin’ on a whinge roll here, using the old friends of friends line doesn’t work either. I couldn’t give a toss if you’re a colleague of someone I once met so don’t bother mentioning them unless they’re actual friends or family.

Who would have thought that addressing emails would be prove so troublesome? Well, not me as it goes, because addressing emails isn’t troublesome. It is easy. E.A.S.Y. There, I’ve even spelt it out for you.