No comment

It’s very common practice for agencies to send out comments made by their clients that are relevant to bigger stories. I’m not going to moan about that. It’s normal PR and is attractive to lazy/busy journos who haven’t got the time (or can’t be arsed) to phone around conducting full interviews when all they really want is a quote to pad things out/stand the story up.

There’s a fairly obvious pecking order of what makes decent comment. An independent, respected, industry analyst saying something thought provoking and, if we’re being honest, negative sits at the top. And, can only really be topped if the journo is getting the comment on an exclusive basis. This is rare of course and we know exclusive comment can only really be found by conducting time-consuming interviews, so fair enough.

Somewhere near the bottom of the pecking order is a vendor who has a direct interest in the announcement, saying that they think the announcement is great news. This is common, and pedestrian PR, it’s falls into the poor pitch, no cigar category.

Recently, though, I got an email from a PR offering a bland comment on a big story. Then about ten seconds later I got an email from one of the PR’s colleagues offering exactly the same comment. I chirped up to the Necromancer and he too had the same emails from the same PRs.

They’re clearly sharing a list, probably a big list, which means that countless other tech journos will have received the same two emails. It’s careless really and it stands about as much chance of being picked up and used as a second hand condom.

I know it’s pretty minor league in the Bad PR stakes, but if you are going to send out bland comment that stands little chance of getting published, we only need to see it once.

Or maybe not at all.

Send me a PS3 and we’ll call it quits

The ‘complex’ theory of corporate tat says that if you send me a poloshirt, baseball cap, laser pen, memory stick, calculator, document holder, rucksack, business card holder or indeed any other vaguely useful item that I will use the gift and be reminded of your client’s firm the next time I see their name and then I might write about them.

Chances are though, that as soon as I’m out of your sight (sometime not even then) I will throw it all in the bin. I would give it away to a tramp, but even vagabonds and junkies would rather not wear your branded t-shirts.

Another slightly less popular strategy with the freebie is to go a bit over the top and hope this curries favour. In all honesty it works better than the one outlined above though it carries a few risks, not least the expense.

The corporate gift is dodgy territory. It’s Operation Backhander. We know the score. It’s bribery. In some cultures it is a serious no-no, in others it is positively expected. But some ‘gifts’ aren’t worth the price of the overly expensive branded, never-to-be-used-more-than-once, bags that they come in.

I was once sent a cigarette lighter with a fiver wrapped around it, enclosed in the envelope was a note, the PR had written, “is your money going up in smoke?”

The firm, hilariously enough, was a disaster recovery company that went out of business.

Can’t think why.

The back door

I stopped answering my phone every time it rang a long time ago. I've got a post-it stuck on the phone with a list of numbers on it, which is both a blacklist and a whitelist depending on deadlines, my mood, the position of the moon, etc. And I suspect I'm not the only hack who screens calls like this.

But PRs have obviously cottoned on as they've become ever inventive in their attempts to get through. There's the 'External call' coming through from the PRs corporate exchange (might get picked up); the 'Unknown number' from someone calling the customer service desk and getting transferred (never gets picked up); and then there's the ones where actual numbers show up so I can Caller ID them (always gets picked up), unless its (never gets picked up).

We've seen all the tricks - call from a mobile phone so you get a different number; call from a mobile with 'Private number' switched on; call reception at the office; and call someone on the same team who sits nearby and get transferred.

But there's this other one as well - the back door. Call a random number at the company the journo works for and get them to transfer the call. So if I see an internal call coming through from someone I don't know, I know what's coming: there'll be a flustered colleague on the other end who thinks they've got a really important call for me, which they need to transfer, and if I don't answer they'll feel obliged to take a message.

These people aren't my fucking receptionists, they just happen to work with me. So I feel obliged to answer these calls, inevitably to find that the 'important call' is just some flack pitching a press release.

Annoyingly this tactic was used twice the other day, by the same person. I fielded a back door call and gave the PR in question my email address, only to have her call back ten minutes later using the same trick to check I received the press release (the most pointless and annoying kind of call).

It's a dirty trick. If you can't find a journalist's direct line, or even their email address (hint: it's usually on the website/magazine/newsletter/paper they write for), using all the 21st century tools you have at your disposal, you're not very good at your job and might be better placed selling debt management to people who watch daytime TV all day.

At least then the machines dial the numbers for you.

His name is Earl

We’ve been added to the blogroll of one Steve Earl http://www.rainierpr.co.uk/earl/. He’s the managing director of Rainier PR, a tech PR firm based in London.

He’s got some interesting views this lad. Not least of which is his suggestion that the credit crunch could be a good time to start up a tech PR firm.

“Tech PR seems to be holding its own in this country, but equally several agencies have been laying people off recently. It’s not a time for the faint-hearted, but my guess is that the strong will shine through and we’ll see several hot tech PR start-ups born over the next year that become the next generation of challengers,” he says.

Does that mean the credit crunch is bad for Bad PR?

Not likely, transparent attempts to angle, or rather mangle, tech firms’ products into stories loosely based on the collapse of Lehman Brothers or the troubles at HBOS are as plentiful as they are irrelevant.

I know taking a current affairs story of national/global importance and then working your client in somehow is a common trick, but it is seldom effective. It’s just a waste of everyone’s time.

“The US is failing to win over ‘hearts and minds’ in Iraq. Would you be interested in talking with Dave Smith, VP of product marketing for Dullco Customer Relationship Management firm about his firm’s holistic communications strategy?”

No.

Some firms are doing well, it’s true, but it doesn’t that mean that they’re “bucking the credit crunch trend”. Honestly, your client got another round of funding. Good for them. It’s not a story though.

I look forward to interacting with the hot tech PR start-ups that Steve thinks will be born out of the current financial crisis. Who knows, maybe Bad PR will take on a few clients.

A last minute reprieve

In the nick of time (thanks to a sales enforced extension to the deadline) an article for the supplement was submitted at 5:41 last night..!

This doesn't make for particularly entertaining reading on Bad PR. But in the interests of fair play and because Bad PR came Good in the end, I guess I'd better leave the posts up...

Mended promises?

Following on from yesterday's rant regarding being let down on contrib just one day before deadline. The agency in question has come up with a last gasp attempt to save the day. I just received this:

Hi Fin,

Further to this, the CTO has suggested that he would be able to draft an article for you by Monday. I know you would prefer a different exec and that this is beyond the deadline you told us, but if there was any way you could wait until Monday, the CTO would be able to get this over to you.

Please let me know whether this might be acceptable and apologies again for the difficulties we have had with this.

Kind Regards,

PR

Hmmm, not the right person and well past deadline would usually mean curtains. However, there is another group of people whose existence, while necessary, causes journos even more pain than PRs: Salesmen. When they haven't sold, deadlines get moved. That's just the way it goes. The PR, by a twist of fate, has got more time....

The deadline is Monday, the PR has got the weekend to come up with the goods. Will they make it into the supplement?

Only time will tell......

Broken promises

We’re putting together a supplement for a trade show at the mo. We’ve interviewed the CTO of the organisation behind the trade show and would be including that, but in addition the agency that represents the organisation behind the trade show was given the opportunity of penning a piece for the supplement.

That’s two pages of prime editorial FREE. It is, in PR terms, gold dust.

Two weeks before the supplement copy deadline I was sent an invitation to the show. I replied saying:

Cool thanks – I think The Escapist mentioned a contrib feature. Did your client mention anything?

The PR said:

Don't think she did, but I will check for you. Was there any particular topic/author that you guys had in mind?

I said:

I’m afraid I’m not sure on the details. I could be mistaken. I just thought I’d heard the Escapist talking about getting a contrib feature. I guess the CEO would be preferable. Not sure on topic, the CTO interview is fairly general so maybe digging deeper into the plans for the Organisation. I’d be open to suggestions.

The following Monday I sent this:

Hi PR

Hope all is well. Has there been any movement on a contrib feature for the supplement?

Cheers
Fin

I got this:

Hi Fin,

I have been speaking with the Client and we are looking into possible ideas for a contributed article. We are definitely keen to do this - when would you need the article by? At the moment we are thinking of a feature looking at something very relevant to The Client - does this sound like something that would be interesting? I know that you mentioned something else, but there have been no real developments on this front recently, and we feel the topic may not be relevant to those outside The Client and its partners, so it might be better to get a wider-focused feature instead. We are looking into whether it would be possible to get this by-lined to the CEO, but this may not be possible. The CTO is one of our favourite writers at The Client, but since your original interview was with him, would you prefer the article to come from someone else?

Let me know your thoughts.

Kind Regards,

PR

I said:

Hi PR

We need the piece by the end of this week and about 1600 words. Your suggestions on the topic area look good. I would prefer not to byline the CTO. Purely because the feature interview is of CTO, and it would look better for The Client and us if a different exec is bylined.

How does that sound?

Cheers
Fin

She said:

Hi Fin,

That sounds great. We will find somebody other than the CTO to write the article for you and get it to you by the end of the week. I will let you know if there are any problems.

Kind Regards,

PR


A day later I was sent this:

Hi Fin,

On the article for the show supplement, The Client are keen to get their VP Developer Product Marketing, to write the article. However, he would only be able to do this by next Friday (26th), rather than the end of this week, as you requested. Would this be alright? Let me know if not, and we can find someone else to write it to get it to you this week.

Kind Regards,

PR

I said:

Hi PR

I’m afraid the deadline is very definitely the end of this week. We can’t shift it, sorry about that
Cheers
Fin

A day later, one day before deadline, I got this:

Hi Fin,

We're so sorry to do this at such short notice, but unfortunately, we are not going to be able to provide the article by the end of tomorrow. We have been searching high and low for an exec who would be able to get this done, but in this time-frame we are just not able to get it turned around. Please let us know if there is any other way we might be able to help you to fill this space, as we are aware this is leaving you short-handed. Me and A Colleague are out of the office this afternoon, but I have included our mobile numbers below in case you want to speak to us about this.

Apologies again for the short notice, we have tried our utmost to find someone to write this, but it just isn't possible.

Kind Regards,

PR

Let me run that by you again….

“..but in this time-frame we are just not able to get it turned around”

They’ve had two effin’ weeks to pen a 1600 word article. How much time-frame does it take?

More spinpox spotted

This isn’t really Bad PR, it’s really Bad Journalism.

The BBC reported today that the RAC Foundation has discovered that reading and sending text messages while driving is dangerous.

Whatever next?

Riding a bicycle with your eyes closed is hazardous.

Flying a kite in a thunderstorm is crazy.

Fighting a polar bear in Speedos is suicidal.

Copying press releases is lazy.

The numbers up

I’ve long suspected that I suffer from some sort of number-based dyslexia. I was crap at maths at school. Forever getting dumped into the bottom class and forever fluffing exams.

It wasn’t as though I didn’t try. Despite almost always failing maths exams first time around, I ended up passing everything I needed in the end. Don’t get me wrong, I never passed with flying colours, but I did enough to prove to friends, my parents, teachers and university entrance boards that I wasn’t a complete mathematical halfwit.

My slow and uncomfortable slide up the UK’s slippery poll of academia culminated with my getting a BEng (Hons) from Nottingham University. Me, an engineer, go figure. Maybe I’m not actually completely crap at maths after all.

All that was a long time ago though, and I’m still pretty sure that I’ve got some sort of number dyslexia.

Numbers tend to bamboozle me. When I listen to someone calling out a number, usually a telephone number, I often write it down incorrectly. I routinely punch in wrong telephone numbers from business cards or websites. When I copy numbers, I get the order mixed up. The mobile phone address book saved my social life.

Maybe I’m in a minority. That said, there is one crime that tends to crop up in the world of voice mails that I’m pretty sure other people find annoying. Even people good with numbers.

I listen to all of my voice mails (and I get plenty), even if I don’t respond to every single one. But here’s a tip that will increase your chances of getting me to call back. Tell me your name at the beginning, then tell me your number. Remember that those are the two most valuable pieces of information in the voice mail. You might even like to tell me your number again at the end of the voice mail just to make sure I got it.

Do not, under any circumstances, leave a long, rambling, message and then rattle off your telephone number like a livestock auctioneer on speed.

Actually, don’t leave long, rambling, messages.

Just leave your name and number at the beginning, then a few pertinent details, then your number again.

I know that you know how to say your telephone number quickly, and I also know that saying it quickly, particularly at the end of a long ramble, is very annoying.

If I have to listen to a message twice or more to get your number, I don’t need to hear all the info again, so if you’re a compulsive speed talker just say your number twice after the beginning of the voice mail.

Dear sir or madman

I received a missive this morning. It was addressed to ‘Dear telecommunications specialist’. I couldn’t work out whether it was obsequiousness, sarcasm or idleness. I guess it is better than Dear Sir since it appeals to my vanity and Dear Escapist, since I’m the Finisher. Both of which alternative email faux pas happen on an all too regular basis

Although, at least Dear Escapist demonstrates that the PR took the time to type in the name (albeit the wrong one) whereas Dear Sir, as with Dear telecommunications specialist, simply demonstrates that the PR can’t be arsed with mail merge.

There is a big part of me that hopes it was sarcasm. Although, I’ve met the bloke who sent the email and he’s a nice chap, old school PR, so sadly I’m guessing it falls into the lazily obsequious camp.

Can you imagine a camp worth avoiding more?

“…s’cuse me sire, I ‘ave ‘ere an ‘umble press release for your delectation. I’m not worthy I know, but if you could see yourself into passing your mighty gaze upon it, I would be most, most grateful. Or at least, I would if only I could be arsed.”

I have a relatively common name. There are, however, a couple of different ways of spelling it. So it kind of bugs me a bit when a PR had used the right email address, then written Dear Phinisha at the top.

It bugs me all the more when the PR follows up the misspelling with some over-familiarity. My mates know how to spell my name, if you can’t spell my name don’t bother asking how my tricks are. I know you don’t care.

If I don’t know you, I don’t care what you did at the weekend and I know that you don’t care what I did at the weekend. You have something that you want me to write about and I mistrust you instinctively. Let’s not pretend otherwise.

And, since I’m scoffin’ on a whinge roll here, using the old friends of friends line doesn’t work either. I couldn’t give a toss if you’re a colleague of someone I once met so don’t bother mentioning them unless they’re actual friends or family.

Who would have thought that addressing emails would be prove so troublesome? Well, not me as it goes, because addressing emails isn’t troublesome. It is easy. E.A.S.Y. There, I’ve even spelt it out for you.

Bond, Tim Bond

Ah, Mr Bond. It would be a lie to say that I’ve been expecting you. I still consider myself to be a novice when it comes to blogging. So I was amazed to see Bad PR has a follower. His picture is over there on the right of the screen, just underneath the Good PR Venn diagram.

Just the one mind, but it’s quality over quantity. Remember, Jesus started with just the one follower and look what happened to him. He died over 2000 years ago and book sales are still good. Not that I wish to compare Bad PR with Christ.

Tim has demonstrated wise PR. I will try not to wobble over into the sentimentality pit. But by massaging the grumpy tech hack’s fragile ego, he’s already got a foot in the door.

This runs counter to a particularly foolhardy trait exhibited by some less smart PR types. The pitch delivered with a plea when the PR opens with something like: “I don’t suppose you’d be interested in this story…” Or “I doubt this is really up your street, but…” Is Bad PR pure and simple.

We do understand how difficult it is. It’s not easy to feign enthusiasm. And only weird people get enthusiastic about the stuff you see in most tech press releases. Thankfully, they form companies that make stuff and hire PR firms because they know that they’re just too freaky and unsettling to promote their own products.

But the apologetic opener – which is surprisingly common – isn’t even making the effort. It’s like trying to seduce someone by going for sympathy. You should never try and stimulate a journalist’s pity. As most people know, the only kind of pity journalists understand is self-pity.

Smile please, you’re on Photoshop

I happened to be writing a piece about green technology when a PR got in touch. Her client, it seems, had a new solar panel powered piece of kit that it wanted to promote. “That’s perfect,” I said, so far, so Good PR, “send in some blurb and if you’ve got a picture, all the better”.

The blurb was sent in, it was standard fare and would make a nice little news in brief for the product round-up section. There was no photo. Not to worry, it wasn’t a deal breaker.

In the run up to deadline the PR emailed me to let me know that there would be a photo of the product, “thanks for letting me know,” I said, “I’ll make sure we leave space.”

The day before deadline there was still no photo. I emailed the PR: “Any news on the photo?” I asked. “Yes, they’re working on it.” I was told.

The following day I received an email from the PR with an attachment that purported to show a villager erecting the product. The PR noted that she wasn’t entirely sure what the person with the bucket to the right of the pic was doing.

I opened the jpeg and saw what on first glance appeared to be exactly what she had described. However, on second glance I noticed that he picture was obviously an implausible Photoshop mash up. The piece of kit added looked like something from Pete’s Dragon, the ‘villager’ supposedly erecting the kit was actually someone filling up a container by a hand pump, while the mysterious bucket to the right was clearly someone else waiting to use the hand pump.

I told the PR that I had some reservations about the validity of the image. She said: “Serves me right for not looking at that photo close enough. I was just so relieved to have got it. I’m going back to see why they photoshopped it. And ask while they were at it why they didn’t get rid of the bucket!”

Amateurish is not the word.

Spinpox*

This positing is inspired by the PR antics of a firm that has a product which I quite like. Although, I would add that the product is almost totally pointless and I probably – well, definitely - wouldn’t pay for it.

The firm has been around a fair while now, making slow gains here and there, punting the aforementioned product and it has yet to make any real dent into consumer consciousness.

Not much has changed in terms of functionality since launch. The product, which is a mobile phone service, remains fairly quirky and of niche interest. The firm would love for one or all of the major carriers to realise what they’ve been missing out on and promote this product to their subscriber base.

This scenario is a trifle unlikely since the service competes with a service the carriers already provide. Besides which, if the carriers liked the idea they would have nicked it by now and done it themselves. Indeed, I’ve noticed that a number of rival consumer offerings have popped up during the last year. None of these will be particularly successful either.

Still, that’s not Bad PR, it’s just bad business.

The Bad PR element that bugs me is the firm’s insistence upon carrying out research that, guess what? Well, yep, it claims, finds, bears out, corroborates, affirms, announces, authenticates, validates, substantiates and confirms that consumers really, really, really like the product and that it’s dead useful and popular, honest.

The firm is not alone in this deadly PR disease that I’ve dubbed spinpox*. In fact, let’s face it, pretty much any piece of ‘research’ is funded by a firm that has a vested interest in the results of the research backing up their business.

I could go out onto Oxford Street today with a carefully phrased set of questions that ‘prove’ that the majority of UK consumers would be interested in cycling to Iraq for their summer holidays.

You can ‘prove’ just about anything with funded research.

*Any resemblance to an actual organisation’s name is purely coincidental.

Spamazing

This has nothing to do with PR, good or bad, but it is possibly the funniest spam I have ever received. Once you've read the whole thing, the opening line - let's be realists - really comes into its own. I must check the site out when I get a moment; I don't want to count my chickens, but I reckon I could be in.


Aloha, dear!

Let's be realists, I understand that you receive letters from many beautiful women, of course if this would be a matter of my will I would block your mailbox and you would receive only my
letters and you wouldn't have other choice as to get married with me)))) of course I am just kidding, but we all know that there is a part of truth in any joke.

So, I think that if I would choose you I would try to do my best not to please you, but to show you that next to me you will be completely happy and won't need to search any more. I know how to make surprises and holidays, I always remember all the important events and dates. I cook well. I would like my man to bring food at home and to give the biggest part to his beloved girl))) I want him to respect his baby, to be proud of her, and to be jealous of her (maybe a little bit))). He will know how to make a dinner in the restaurant; will take his girl to the disco club,
where he will dance a bit worse then she, but much better then other men))).

He takes care about the most difficult things (like making breakfast in the morning or opening the window at night when it's hot in the room))) if it's really necessary. If this is just another caprice of his sweetie he will put her in her place))) he comes from work tired, but not angry, and his sweetie ask him to eat because she was cooking the whole day her new dish and was waiting for him to come and taste her new masterpiece))) and of course he likes this dish, even if it's terrible)))

He plays cards and listens to the articles from the journals and newspapers his baby suggest to read together))) we both discuss plans for the next vacation, when I dream how I will make him a feet massage in a hot bath in the middle of the hotel under the stars.

And I, I love him endlessly, I dream about his arms, I dream a lot and finally I understand that I don't need to dream because all my dreams already came true, right the day I met him, the
one who looked at me and told me "You will be mine" and I melted and gave up)))

So, what do you think, is it possible to have such life? Is this your dream also? I think you should share your opinion with me because I know what you have on your mind and I want you to understand that nobody but me knows better how to make you happy))) http://finebeautifulwomen.net/6184/


Looking forward to hear from you soon
Ulian

Great expectations

I just got this email from a PR I’ve never heard of, working for a firm I’ve never heard of, promoting a client I’ve never heard of:

Dear All,

It's my pleasure to send you the Press Release of XXXX Group and XXXX (Please see the attachment).

We would appreciate if you publish it everywhere you can and if possible, please let me know the place of the published article!

Thank you very much for your kindly help in advance!

Best regards,


A Very Bad PR
Marketing & Sales Coordinator
..........................................................
XXXXX.
Somewhere in Hungary
Tel.: +XXXXXXXXXX
Direct: +XXXXXXXXXX
Fax: +36-1-206 5142

Jeesh, not only can’t she be bothered to use a decent mail merge program, but she also expects me to open the attachment with no other teaser information.

I’m glad she lets me know that she’d appreciate it if I could publish it “everywhere” I can. However, she also wants me to let her know where it’s gone live too…

Perhaps she’d like me to call up her client and tell them what a great job they’re doing or maybe nip over to their offices in Hungary and pop the kettle on.

Neither of her last two sentences requires an exclamation mark! And why the feck has she capitalised Press Release?